Guess What? Chicken Butt.

It’s been quite some time since I last posted but here’s an overview of what you’ve missed – eggs have been laid, chicken feed has been devoured by more than chickens (yes, I’m pretty sure we’re feeding a colony of chipmunks – but like I’m going to be mad about watching those little guys and gals stuffing their freakin cheeks with food – omg adorbs!), and the chickens have and continue to make their mark by literally shitting everywhere. So that pretty much sums up everything that you’ve missed…except the story about our one rooster Fred who had an untimely “encounter” with an ax to his neck, but we’ll talk about that another day…  

So…its wintertime here in Michigan and one thing I quickly realized is that I absolutely without zero doubt HATE caring for chickens in the winter. I now see why my husband agreed to letting me get goats this coming spring if I still felt the same post caring for the chickens after this winter. No longer do I desire having goats, let alone these chickens. My initial title for this blog was “Die Motherfucking Chickens, Die!” but my husband suggested that might be too dark and it might cause concern amongst family and friends. Don’t worry guys, I’m a-o-k, but I am very much over these chickens and that tone pretty much sums up my mood when writing this, so you’ve been fore-warned as you proceed.

5 Reasons Why Caring for Chickens in the Winter Sucks Major Butt

1. They Hate Snow – I don’t blame them; I hate snow too and I have nice cozy boots to protect my feet from the cold snow. But they will do anything to avoid the snow and that means spending their days on areas that have been cleared of it. So, what does that mean for me? A deck and sidewalks covered, no plastered, in chicken shit. It’s so disgusting and has resulted in our deck looking like an obstacle course of random objects to try to deter the chickens away from traveling any farther. At least it’s mentally stimulating our dogs as they figure out how to get off the deck to do their business.
2. Chicken Butts – In addition to the cleared areas and deck, our chickens have also found “safe spots” right next to our house – specifically in front of our basement windows where they like to spend a majority of their days. This means at any given moment a glance at a window in our basement means a view of chicken ass lineup from side to side. I don’t know if you’ve ever seen a chicken butt, but it IS NOT pretty, I mean eggs come out of those things. Do yourself a favor and DO NOT search chicken but.  
3. They Like Cat Food – We have an outdoor cat who exclusively eats outdoors and during winter the chickens flock to the cat food because there isn’t a constant buffet of greenery out in the yard for them to consume like normal, which ultimately means that someone has to stand guard to allow the cat enough time to eat before the chickens rush him. The cat hates an audience and I’m pretty sure he hates these chickens more than I do. (Side note: don’t worry about wintertime for our outdoor cat – he has a very warm setup for his winter outdoors, so nice that he has other cat visitors crash at his place and chickens too.)
4. They Like to Disappear – Sure all of our hens like a night away from the coop every now and then, in other seasons it’s not a big deal, but in winter it results in a search party looking for the missing hen because I sure as hell don’t want to be dealing with a frozen bird in the morning. And what makes it worse is when you find and attempt to rescue them, they show their appreciation by flying directly into your face and knocking you down a mountain of straw. Did I mention these chickens suck?
5. All of Their Stuff Freezes – Now I know the weather is not their fault but dealing with the constant issues that the weather causes can just be exhausting, especially when you have to get all geared up to just walk out the door. I wasn’t raised or trained to think of solutions to cold weather rescues, I’ve spent my winters indoors. Things like chisels and crowbars have now become my everyday tools as I pry open frozen shut doors and chisel away ice to open or shut a coop door. And their water bowl constantly freezes – and yes, I have a heated one, but they aren’t meant for freezing, let alone subzero temperatures. When will this hell called winter end?

Well, this has already gotten much longer than I had intended so I guess I will just stick with 5 reasons why caring for chickens in the winter sucks butt but I promise you I could go on and on for days.